If you're talking with a couple of colleagues at work is that public speaking?
If you’re chatting with a few friends in a cafe is that public speaking?
Or is it when you're in front of your class teaching?
When does speaking become public?
And the big question lurking in the shadow of the last, is when does it become something to be frightened of?
Your answers to those questions will be uniquely personal.
Comfort zones
All of us have comfort zones in which we feel safe, un-threatened, OK with ourselves. Let’s imagine those as concentric circles.
If you're standing in the middle of your zones now - where does speaking in public break out into official, anxiety inducing, upper-case PUBLIC SPEAKING?
Is it speaking to anyone you don’t know? Is it when you are the focus of everyone’s attention - regardless of the number of people? It could be four or twenty-four.
As a communicator-speaker it's good to identify the tipping point.
Years ago, because I used to get twisted up into horrendous knots whenever I was asked to speak in front of others who were not in my comfort zone, I developed an exercise to help myself which I later used to help others.
‘Them’ v ‘Us’
Visualize concentric circles. The center circles are ‘Us’. The outer ones are ‘Them’.
In your ‘Us’ circles are all the situations and people you feel good with. These are your comfort zones.
For me they included: family, friends, the classes I taught, and some of the colleagues I worked alongside.
Now focus on the ‘Them’ circles.
What situations and people are in these? Be really honest. What brings on a major dose of self-doubt and the desire to rapidly back-peddle to safety?
I discovered my ‘Them’ circles were full of people whom I felt were more articulate, confident, intelligent, authoritative, powerful and, that they were all looking, judging and seeing that I knew, as my father used to say, sweet 5/8ths of nothing in particular.
Now that was scary!
But what was scarier was how quickly I let my imagination create that overwhelmingly self-limiting reality.
It was Eleanor Roosevelt who famously said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” She's so right.
Were those ‘Them’ people actually more confident, articulate, intelligent or any of the other things I attributed to them? No. Not really.
Were they actually looking at me and seeing an incompetent? No. That is, not unless I gave them proof or evidence of that through lack of preparation and practice.
The key to releasing myself was realizing that it was within my power to challenge that perception in two ways. One was to consciously stop putting myself needlessly down and the second was to take all the opportunities I could to up-skill.
And I could do that one step at a time. Because it didn’t have to be all or nothing. I could start small and build.
Joining Toastmasters International was a major turning point. With support, my skills and confidence grew. The paralysis caused by fear of getting ‘it’ wrong and being judged by ‘Thems’ gradually disappeared. I could lead a national workshop on vocal variety. I could be part of a winning debating team, and most importantly, I could give a less than stellar presentation and still be OK. Miraculous.
Go get them, ‘Thems’.
Happy teaching, happy speaking.
Susan
PS. Here’s a collection of useful things to do to help manage public speaking anxiety, as well as joining a club. They work hand in hand.
PPS. As I said last week, and I’ll say next, if you have ideas for topics you’d like to see covered in this newsletter, or if you’d like to share an article on some aspect of public speaking, or a speech of your own, please get in touch. Either reply to this email or contact me through the form on my about me page on my website. I’d love to hear from you!
The idea of concentric circles and comfort levels is a unique way to look at speaking anxiety. Thanks for sharing that concept.
Good Stuff Susan. Speaking is speaking as long as you are present while doing it. Also, low stakes situations are the best times to try things.